New Friends

I make new friends all the time. I think it’s something we must do to grow as individuals. But this semester I made three new friends in my English 101 class and I think they will be around for awhile. The teacher on the first day of class placed us three in a group together to do group work and from that day on we have hung out in and out of class. I sometimes call us the little United Nations because we have a Latina, a half Chinese, half African American, and two Guyanese which I am one of them. With the crazy jokes to the constant feeling of being alerter before a prank is pulled I feel these three kept me in the class and also kept me coming back.

We have Sherry the shy one. But I honestly don’t think she is shy she is just hiding the craziness better than the rest of us. Then there is Karina who is the jokester of the group who keeps us laughing. And there is Takeria who we tend to make fun of but she is always a good sport about it. She is the oldest and at times I feel like me and her can actually have a real conversation about life and all its depths. For now these friends are keeping me happy and I know we will stay in contact even after we leave Queensborough. Making the college experience more worth it than before.

Water

What calms you down? I have notices when I am stressed or I feel like just relaxing I go to the beach. When I was younger I spent a lot of time at Crossbay a parking out in Queens overlooking the water. From this view point I could see all the way to Coney Island and even parts of Manhattan. Right near the parking lot is a gazebo where we would sit down for hours and talk. We can hear and see the water as the cool breeze rushes over our faces. The smells of the area is not often pleasant depending on the day. But the sun glistening over the water is all that’s need to clam me down.

There aren’t any boats in this bay so we were never bothered with the loud sounds of boat horns. All we heard is the wind and the cars from the high way behind. Many people dump their trash and others make religious sacrifices leaving the beach dirty and the water unclean. Sometimes people would be fishing on the bridge that we cross before turning into the parking lot. But the water will always be calming for me. Today the parking lot is police monitored with fences unlike years ago when I use to be a frequent visitor. I think their presents has taken away from whole experience and feeling for the place.

Pushy People

I believe I wrote about this topic in previous post but I think I need to reiterate it again for those people who didn’t understand the first time. I am sure everyone of you has come across a pushy person before who cannot take no for an answer. I mean at times I can be like that too but I think there is a fine line. I won’t go too much into details or give this person’s identity away but I will say get a life. Always repeating yourself, making yourself look more and more like an asshole everytime. I promised that I wasn’t going to bring up personal problems on here when I first started but I guess this is the perfect place to vent.

Art

Art as always been a part of my life. I remember even I was in elementary school I would come home and spend hours at my desk drawing something or looking at pictures. I remember when I was in art class I would take my time and draw more carefully than the other students. Not to say the other students didn’t care but I also noticed that the teachers praised me more for my projects than they did the other students. Then I got to high school. The high school was an art high school where everyone was creative in his or hers own way. I had to work twice as hard when I did a project. I felt everyone was competing with each other but it kept me on my toes. I did learn a lot those three years in high school and I wish I could continue and have career dealing with art but it’s a field I believe is more competitive than any other. But if I were ever to pursue any kind of art field I think I would like to become a painter or a sculptor. But maybe that’s another life time.

Party Planning

Over the years I started make decision on what I believe to be beautiful and what I believe to be distaste full and many people began to agree with my choices. I also believe myself to be organized when it comes to most cases. I think these two factors is what inspired me to want to become a party planner. So far I haven’t taken any major strives to become a planner but I have happen planned a few events. I drew up a few sketches and advised a few people here and there that I think if I was to ever go into the field full time I would do just fine. And let’s face it in today’s society if we feel we are not going to succeed we don’t pursue that dream.

I think my dream is to own a party planning company where we plan large events such as corporate events, weddings, conferences, and other large get-togethers. I figured when I finish college I would decide whether I want to go into the marketing field or planning field, two things I enjoy doing equally.

Love

I figured I’ll write about love, something I don’t know a lot about but what little I know I’ll share. Over the years I have learned that there are different kinds of love. I know I have love for my friends and family. I don’t know how I can prove it but I know if something were to happen to them I will be there in a heartbeat. When it comes to the intimate love that a husband a wife shares or a boyfriend and a girlfriend shares I can honestly say I have never experienced it. I believe love such as that is true and deep. I also believe for one to come to a feeling such as that there are many different levels he or she must go through. All I know is with all the relationships I have had in the past, never have I been in love. I may like someone or trait about them but never has my heart actually skipped a beat from someone. Or what if love hits me smack dab in the face and I don’t know it now because I have never experienced it.

Facebook

I feel like now a day’s everyone has facebook. I remember when I first signed up for facebook, none of my current friends had it, or at least not that I knew of. I didn’t even hear about facebook until my freshmen year of college. Back then you couldn’t access it through you phones, or play Farmville, or even pay games like poker and Uno. I remember people telling to get it but I honestly didn’t want to because I thought it was similar to myspace and many of the other social networking sites. I did turn out to be right with each site changing a little here and a little there.

Today I feel like my friends live on facebook. I tried it but all I ended up doing was look at people’s pictures. I look at people I knew in the past and I compare myself to them and it is a very depressing feeling sometimes. I am happy for them but I do wish sometimes that my plans I made five years ago didn’t really work out the way I wanted them to and now I am a little behind. But like many things, facebook has come a long way and I know a lot of businesses are incorporating it into their business. I just hope we can keep up.

Music

I have been meaning to write a blog post about music for awhile now but have not gotten around to it but here I go. I love music and everything it offers. I feel music demonstrates emotion and so does dance. All my life I have been around music like most of us. Either someone is playing it or someone is listening to it. I love to hear a beat and all of a sudden I feel my foot moving and my body swaying. I try to imagine what the next beat would be so I can keep up. In today’s society songs are written for pretty much everything. As it was in the past, music was a form of storytelling and a way to express ones idea. I feel that is still the same case today. In the West Indian community songs are often written about things people value the most such as rum, love, sex, revenge. For example a song was written called “bring the rum” which popular not just for the words but because of the rhythm that entices the people to get up and move. Music doesn’t only mean dancing, for some people music means sadness. I have often seen when a couple breaks up one will listen to break up songs in the hope of finding answers. At times I feel this can drown a person in more sorrows than anything else.

Naomi

Naomi and I are family and like some family members we have the same mind. She is my third cousin on my mom side of the family but if anyone asks I just say she is my cousin. We pretty much grew up together even in Guyana then we both migrated over here to the states. We became close and actually started hanging out on a regular base once we became teens and now we pretty much have the same circle of friends. Naomi I would say is a quick thinker. If you are ever playing a game where thinking is required, which is most games, she is the person to have on your team. Many times we are thinking the same things or would say the same things. As we now get older I notice she has a gambling personality. When it comes time to play poker, or cards, or make a bet, she is always down. She also has a hard time finding a good guy. I have told her time and time again her choices in men is horrible. But she is still young, she can make mistakes and still bounce back.

Lazy

I have often been told that “LAZY” is my middle name. The funny thing is I don’t totally disagree. I know when I am home I don’t do anything. I can spend the entire day lying in bed and just do nothing. And I am not going to lie I have done that before. As long as I have my laptop or tv along with my phone at my disposal I can survive for days in my room. You see my room is in the middle of my house and it has no windows so I can’t tell if its day or night outside unless I look at my phone. There are many times I wouldn’t even look at my phone because I either want to be left alone or I don’t want to be a part of the outside world. But once I leave my house I feel like energy just flows. I know when I am at work I am running here, there and everywhere and I am fine. I think when I am at work I feel like I must always prove myself but when I am home I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. I hope this does change because I know it wouldn’t be beneficial later on when I get my own place.

Nerd

So I’ll be the first to admit I am a nerd. I have nerd tendencies but don’t tell anyone that. I am not your typical nerd you see on television like Steve Erchle or Skrech from Save By the Bell but I am a nerd regardless. I am not smart like those guys nor do my pants hem past my ankle but I am a nerd. For one I am a nerd because I like anything related to scifi. Whether it has to do with aliens or monsters I get excited. I also love cartoons with superheroes and anything action, I even pretend I am the superhero sometimes. Of course is in the privacy of my own house. I already of the glasses so all I probably need is the laugh and the snort that follows.

Glory Singerz

I guess you can say music has always played a part in my life. It didn’t become so much of a big thing until I entered my teenage years and I joined a group call the Glory Singerz. We were a bunch of young teens all around the say age looking for something to do. We all attended Sprit and Truth Christian Church and an idea came to John the leader of this group to begin a singing group. We would meet during the week practice a song that the majority agreed on and sung it on Sunday morning to the congregation. We knew we had a lot of work ahead before were actually became good but we practiced. I was considered the clown and the outspoken one of the group always trying to entertain everyone. We did have fun hanging out and bonding and it’s not an experience I would trade for any other. Over the years many member have gone and went, me being one of them. We even when as far as creating a demo that we sent out to other record labels. At that time I personally believe we weren’t ready but we did it anyway. Today the group took a break but I am sure one day we will all come back together. The group was officially started Christmas morning and every Christmas the members always return back to Sprit and Truth were we remember the past and some of us even sing together again just to relive the pass.

Science

I have never been big on science or math but as of lately I notice I am taking an interest in science. It’s not like I am going to go start studying it or anything but just maybe keep an eye out. I might keep an eye out for the next best thing and maybe try to understand certain things better. I know the fields of science and math are closely related but I couldn’t understand math for the life of me growing up. I think this was the reason I kind of pushed science to the side. I think the things that fascinate me the most these days is the fact that with the help of science the possibilities to advance life and create a place where we as humans are technologically unchallenged is amazing. We can cure diseases, create technology that can build or travel to places us beings thought impossible. I know it takes a lot of smart people to do thing such as these and trust me, I am not one of them. My brain I believe is more for selling the product and how I can mass-market it to the world. I don’t know, maybe I have been watching too much sicfi lately.

Teenager's

As of the past few months I noticed my family had a good number of teenagers. Some more mature than others but all strong in his or hers own way. I also notice their perceptiveness now more than ever. If I say something to one of them I feel like they all have an opinion regarding the situation. When I was growing up we as children were taught to speak when spoken too and always respect your elders. I also feel many of my cousins know too much for their age. Things regarding sex, life, love, and other topics of debate are always on the tip of their tongue, some of these things I didn’t learn until I was in my late teens. I know in my early and mid teenage years my elders felt that we knew too much and I think the cycle repeats itself. I can see the positive and negative said to a situation such as this. The positive is that we are become more and more advanced as a people but on the negative side our children maybe growing up too quickly. So where do you stand? What do you prefer?

Drinking

I’m in my early 20’s and at this time and age alcohol plays a role in my life. I notice that at many functions or gatherings among family and friend’s alcohol is always present. I remember in my health class my teacher saying two drinks for men and one drink for women each day is healthy. Well I am not at a point in my life where I believe I need to drink everyday but I do drink once in a while. Weekends are times when most friends and family get together and of course alcohol is present. It’s not that we require the alcohol to have a good time but it helps. But I do know the affects alcohol can have on an individual. Often when we go to the club we see males more than females who can’t handle their liquor and get out of hand. Many times fight breaks out or people begin to act out of their usual characteristics. At one point of my life I was in that same place. It’s kind of funny because I turned 21 I was always drinking at the club or bar, of course illegally. Then after I turned 21 the feeling for drinking vastly declined. I believe I drink less now than I do years ago. I guess the taboo of being told what to do always influence youths to do the opposite. But I think our civilization has a long way to go before we can eliminate alcohol altogether.

Prayer

I don’t pray as much as I should but I believe prayer is a positive thing that more people need to take part in. I usually pray in times of need which I believe is selfish and I think one of my goals for the future is to make prayer a higher priority. I know many of us usually pray in time of desperate need such as before a test or before an uncontrollable event. I know there are many religions out there with many different gods but I pray to god. I know there is something out there that is responsible for everything and I usually ask for guidance, knowledge, among health and strength. I also believe it’s a little bit of give and take, if you asking good for all of these things you have to give a little of praises, worship, and acknowledgement. I know after I finish praying that I do feel better. I am not sure if it’s because I put my faith in something greater or if it’s just a soothing remedy. All I know is it’s a good feeling and it is one of the things I recommend to many people.

Future

I believe in today’s society that the future is the only thing that plays a viable role. Everything that we do is for the future. There are those one or two spontaneous moments when we do something pleasing for ourselves or something relaxing that benefits us for that moment but other than that it usually is for the future. I have been told over and over again to create a plan, make goals that will benefit me. Don’t get me wrong I am happy I to make these goals because it adds to my success in many different ways. For example my plans or goals which ever you wish to call is to receive my associate degree at Queensborough then off to a four year college for my bachelors degree in marketing and advertisement. And based on today’s job market I would probably go back to school to receive my masters as well. I would really love to attend an Ivy League school but I guess I haven’t taught that far ahead. But these are just my academic plans; I also have a time line for starting a family, for buy my first car, for getting my first apartment, among many other things. All I know is that along the way my plans may change and I may get derailed but I plan to continue to strive for something.

Education

I come from a culture where one with an education is greatly valued and his or hers opinion are hardly questioned. But yet again not many people acquire an education for numerous different reasons. As I get older I can make assessments of certain situations that occurred in the past or that I have heard of. With that said I know of many Guyanese people who forfeited the right to continue with an education because many times they feel an education is unattainable. I have heard the saying “my head is too hard” over and over again, meaning it is hard to understand what is being taught. There are some who do have an education but the percentage of drop outs among middle schoolers and high schoolers are much greater than they are in the United States.

Many times young boys will prefer learning a trade such as fishing, farming, among other manual labor but I do believe if one can learn a trade and know the ins and out of that trade, he or she can have an education. Also the lack of education many times lead to teens starting families of their own where as the norms in the united states in considered in the mid 20s or 30s.

I can’t totally blame the entire country for lack of will power and perseverance because of the neglect to pursue an education but also look at their financial situations. Many families are living in poverty to lower middle class life styles. Also a education cost money which many of these people don’t have. Today I am thank full I am able to receive an education and look forward to someday use this education to make a difference for my country, Guyana.

Summer

The summer is coming and I don’t think I am ready for it. To me the summer means hot and sticky weather along with longer days and nothing to do but work. Yes, there are better parties and everyone is always outside hanging out but the weather is just too much for me. Although I was born in the summer and I migrated from a country where it is summer year round I think I have gotten accustom to the change in climate as well as preferring spring and fall. I love fashion and clothing so I always prefer cooler weather because I can wear hoodies, jackets, and much other apparel designed for the cold air. Also when it is hot I can’t sleep, I have always prefer the room to be cool along with a blanket I am ready for hibernation. I also prefer the other seasons over summer because these seasons I believe bring about beauty and life. For example I believe spring is associated with life because things grow and animals return from a long winter along with new life, or at least that’s what I saw in Disney movies. But at the end of the day I always prefer a nice spring day where I can just walk around and not be bothered with the sun being too hot or having to rehydrate myself. But thank God summer is only a few months.

Welcome

Welcome is supposed to be one of the first things someone does but as you may notice from the date I am doing it in the middle. I guess I am a little backwards so excuse me. Well to begin I have and I will continue to write on here even after this English class is over. I don’t consider myself to have great knowledge but just pleased to express my thoughts and share with the world my beliefs and biases. For some, sharing of opinions is a dangerous thing and I am great full and honored to be able to communicate in this way. At times I know my thoughts and beliefs may sound strange but as society head further into the future we must learn to become more accepting. So without anything else to add, my blog.

Work

Growing up all I ever wanted was to be older, now that I am; I wish I was a child again. It’s funny actually how the universe sometimes works. Work is probably one of the reasons I wish I was a child again. I didn’t have as much responsibilities nor did I have to pay for everything myself. I know we are a culture that must work in order to achieve something of greater meaning or value. I’ve heard the saying “live to work and work to live”, well I am without a doubt a work to live kind of guy. I would probably be sitting around somewhere doing nothing if I didn’t have to go to school to get an education to find a great paying job. I feel like the entire purpose of living is to work. Either we are working to attain a certain level or we are working at a satisfied current level. Regardless of the situation you are working. Well on the positive note work gives us something to do. It also allows us to have a feeling of self gratification after all is said and done. I think I have a ill feeling toward work because I feel my job is crappy. It’s not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life but it’s a means of cash.

Ms. Childers

I know your probably reading this blog right now and wondering why the hell did one of you students write about you. But over the years I’ve had many teachers, professors; mentors and I can honestly say you are one of the best. From providing stimulating class discussions to being able to communicate with all your students effectively I believe you are doing a great job. The thing that struck me the most I believe is when I received my first paper back. Attached was a letter pin pointing corrections as well as stating my strengths and weaknesses. I can see that you put thought and time in each letter. I can’t really imagine you doing that for my entire class, not to mention your other classes.

I have a feeling you will do just fine at Queensborough and I can see you being the head of the English department or maybe even the President of the school someday. I think the energy that you give helps the students and also demonstrates inspiration; I just wish more teachers had what you had. Well, continue the great work and see you around campus.

Church

I don’t remember a time when church wasn’t a part of my life. Ever since I lived in Guyana I have attended church with my aunt and uncle and after I relocated over to the states I attended with my mother. My church is a Pentecostal Christian Church but I can honestly and truthfully say I don’t believe in some of the teachings I’ve been taught over the years. Since I grew up in church I have been around the same set of people a majority of the time. The same youths I went to Sunday school with I go out and hang out with nowadays; the same youths that were picking their noses and saying girls have the codices are now getting married. At times I think about church and I have came to the conclusion that although my beliefs, I have gotten comfortable with the situation and I don’t think I will leave and go to another church. I know it’s the wrong reason to go to a church but at times I don’t welcome change because I am afraid of the outcome being worst or the same.

There was a time I use to spend weeks at church. I was involved in the choir, youth choir, Sunday school teaching, among other things. There wasn’t an area I didn’t have an opinion about and tried to make some changes. I have realized that I may have some acute form of OCD because I like things to be a certain way. I have been told I am business minded and like things to be organized and I try to cater to people individual needs. And these were some of the things my church lacked and I looked at the opportunity to make changes and I hung around. Over the years some of the problems have been resolved but not all. I should go church on a regular bases but I believe I need to go and commune with god rather than with the church.

Family

My immediate family consists of my mother, stepfather, little brother and myself. Unlike the families you see on television we are not a traditional bunch. Maybe it’s a cultural thing or maybe it’s just the way my family is but we don’t do a lot of the things I want us to do. For example we never sit down to eat together or we never have family meetings. If my brother or I had a problem I would probably turn to a friend for advice rather then turn to my parents. Don’t get me wrong I feel like my parents are doing their job which is providing shelter and food as well as reprimanding us if we do something we weren’t suppose to, in the long run teaching us right from wrong. When it comes to money and clothing all I had to do when I was younger was just ask but I am not sure if that compensates for the closeness that was missing. I have read that children with families that sit down to eat tend to pay more attention in school and bring better grades home.

I can’t really blame my parents because they are both immigrants to this country and American customs compared to Guyanese customs are a little different. For example people would usually eat whenever they felt hungry rather wait for the rest of the family to ready. Also I believe my culture as a whole view emotions as a weakness. I have noticed that Guyanese people would hid or go through a problem on their own before asking for help or sharing with others. I know I will adapt many of the new American traditions taught to be by the media and books but I hope the years don’t cause me and my descendants to forget culture and customs. I guess it’s going to have to be a little give and take.

Weekends

Like everyone else I look forward to my weekends. A time to relax, socialize and a time to party like the true rock star that resides within. I am a true believer in working hard and playing extra hard so when the weekends come around I am a willing and ready participant in all that life has to offer. After a long week of work and school I just can’t wait for Friday to come around knowing that I will be able to let loose until Sunday night rolls around and reality steps in and you realize that the week starts all over again. I remember my freshmen year of college, while living on campus the weekend began on Thursday with most of the students either not reporting to Friday classes or attended with hangovers. You readers probable think I am a crazy partier but I just like to hang out and be around friends and family. Sometimes alcohol is involved and sometimes we are just high off of life but most of the time it’s involved. I do love to spend a Saturday night at a club just dancing and socializing. Or a lazy Sunday, hanging out at the park or beach recovering from Saturday night. Aaah the weekends, I wish the entire week just consisted of just weekends. Damn wouldn’t that be fun.

Justina

As I said in a previous post, I would be writing entries about some of friends. Well today I think I am going to write about Justina. I knew her for about ten years, ten years of driving me crazy. From vacations, to clubs, to advice, to everything else under the sun we have done. No, we did not have sex, it’s not one of those kinds of relationships but I’ve been there through all her crappy relationships and will always be there. I remember the time she destroyed her ex’s house, he had it coming. I also remember the time we played tennis for the first time together and we ended up cursing each other out more than we played. I think the thing that keeps us friends is the fact that she is sincere and can have a heart of gold sometimes. I believe since we have been friends we have only fought once and that was due to one of her ex boyfriends. As far as her future goes I know she will be successful. I do wish her all the best and I know if I ever need anyone to turn to she will always be there and I will do the same for her.

Work

Work, a place at times I can’t stand and a place where I feel like the days are made longer. In this life we must all work. Work for self satisfaction, work to support ourselves, and work to belong. Whatever the reason, we must all do it and some of us may even enjoy it. Because I am a student without a degree, I must settle for a mediocre job with little to no benefits. I know some of you may be saying times are hard with us being in a recession and all but at times this place can really bring me down. Don’t get me wrong, I know a job is what I make of it. When I walk out at the end of my shift I know I have accomplished something for the day. At times I just wish that I was doing something that mentally stimulated me as well as provide a decent compensation for the amount of work done. I guess this is the reason I decided to return to school.

Friends

Over the years I realized I tend to lean on my friends more so than any other group of people in my life. Many times you hear people going to a family member or a mentor for advice but for me, my friends were always there to listen to my bitching and moaning. To begin I am not an open person, I don’t tell people a lot of things because at the end of the day I am afraid of being judged or burdening others with my problems. But when I do share and ask for advice I can honestly say my friends are always there. I personally believe that we all need some kind of counseling or some form of therapy and I think mine is talking to my friends. By just stating the problem and getting it off my chest sometimes feels good. At the end of the day it may not solve the problem but it just lightens the weight a little. Well to my friends, thank you.

Down to the Wire

The semester is now coming to an end and I see everyone buckling down trying to get that final paper in or cram for their finals. I’m no different spending more time in the library focusing more now than I did a month ago. I have always been told college is all about time management and I have come to live by those words. At times I feel overwhelmed with school, work, social life, and family. But I have also realized these are the things that sustain me and keep me going. I remember a time not too long ago when I wasn’t doing any of these things and I felt loss. I became a college dropout, no job; I couldn’t have a social life because fun equals money in most cases, and my family were on my case in every sense to do something with my future. In a way I am happy now for the finals, papers, and the extra cramming I must undergo to get somewhere.

Richmond Hill/ Potsdam

After I was asked to compare two different areas I figured I would compare two places I've lived and two places that I've experience. Richmond Hill Queens and Potsdam New York, and for those of you who don't know where that is, its in north country New York almost at the boarder of Canada. Although I've spent most of my time in Richmond Hill and I am more familiar with the area I did learn a little about Potsdam and the different aspects it offered compared to Richmond Hill.

Richmond Hill which is a very diverse community in my eyes offers many different things culturally and also offers diversity something one may not see in other communities. Considered an urban center by many most but to me it’s pretty residential and quite. But to learn more about Richmond Hill read my previous post.

Potsdam on the other hand is totally different. It’s a small town with population no greater than 15,000 and a majority of that are college students from the two campuses in the town. Racially this area consist mostly of whites with a 30% of minorities. I personally believe the only reason the minorities are even there is because the schools. I spent about a year there and I grew to love the area and the quite life. I had to get accustom to living among trees rather buildings, the sounds of the river rather than the J train passing by. At the end of the day its one of those chapters in my life which I will forever remember and hold close to me.

Exploit

We watched a show in English class which depicted the process and procedures the police takes in solving a investigation. The show, the first 48 showed how a group of detectives solved a murder and how they went about finding the murderer. After being sent on a wild goose chase from one accused to another they finally found a lady who admitted to the crime. I noticed that some of the people who were accused had their faces blurred out but the final person that admitted to the crime face was left unblurred for the world to see. Now this person had no choice in whether or not her face should be displayed for the world to see. Do you think she was exploited?

I personally think she was. No matter if she admitted to the crime I believe it may put her life in danger as well as influence others in their opinion of her. What if someone saw the show in prison and decided to avenge the person she killed. Also what if the show was aired before she was tried in front of a judge. The show many influence the jury which would lead to a mistrial. I also don’t think it’s fair because I don’t believe the world needs to know.

Rat Torture

I've heard of many people being afraid of rats until it reaches a point where they may be diagnosed with that fear. We've also seen in movies where a swarm of rodents are let loose on an individual and he/she must escape. Well rat torture is no different. Rats are released on a person and are encouraged to eat the person alive. Apparently this was a traditional Chinese punishment where the person was locked in a cell and felt to be eaten.

This form of torture was written by Roman Catholic writers where they describe a person being placed in a dark cell below high-water mark. Rats from the river bed would come rushing in as the tide flowed in. In many cases prisoners would have their flesh torn and eaten from their arm or legs and at times both.

Diederik Sonoy an ally of Willaim the Silent was said to have used a similar method where a bowl of rats is placed upside down on a prisoner then held down and heated with coal. Because of the heat the rats were said to have eaten their way down into the person’s bowels to escape the heat.

Although many of these forms of torture are curl and inhumane they are creative.

My Neighborhood

Like many neighborhoods over a period of time my neighborhood has changed.  With the effect of time many has moved out and others replaced them. Businesses I was fond of as a child no longer exist. Many were family owned but whatever their reason, weather it may be bankruptcy or relocation new ideas and new faces are always popping up. The houses which line the side street still remain the same along with the gigantic trees in front of every other house. Since many of my friends moved out new families have taken their place but as a young adult I don’t have the same child like quality to run from house to house like I did in the pass knowing everyone along with their business. The sounds and the smells of the area have not changed just the individuals they are derived from. What do I see when I leave my house? The people, the businesses, the sounds, the smell, and the camaraderie between all these entities all vary from day to day but they make up my neighborhood, sometimes bad and sometimes good.

            As I step out of my front door I see the sun beaming down and the light breeze I feel blowing over my face. Because it’s a Saturday many of my neighbors have gone out to run earns leaving only a few cars on each side of the one way street. The trees start to grow leafs from the effect of spring along with the fallen buds scattered on the ground. I begin my walk toward the main avenue which is Jamaica off of my side street. It’s still morning so not many people is outside but the few that were out were either walking to their cars or walking in the same direction I was. I could hear faint sounds coming from open windows, it could either be a television or a radio. Many of the houses with an exception of one apartment building were moderate two family houses. Most had driveways leading to a sizable backyard along with gated front yards.

            I continued my walk but didn’t smell the usual hit of curry in the air, just one of the aromas when living in a neighborhood where Indians are a majority. I walked pass the fire hydrant where many hot summer days were spent cooling off.  At this point if I look up I could see the tracks of the J,M,Z lines. The rust from the old steel holding up the tracks are severely noticeable along with the black rails that line the steps leading down from the Jamaica Center side. I continued my walk almost to the end of the street and under the train tracks when I hear the familiar sounds of a train approaching. If I was on the phone I would have had to put the person on hold knowing that nothing could have been heard by either party because of the roaring of the train on its tracks. I could hear the ding sound indicating the doors to open and the sound of the automated voice saying “this is 121street, next stop 111street, stand clear of the closing doors please” and then a ding, the roaring begins again.

            I stop and look to the left and then to the right. I could see the deli, the laundry mat, the bakery along with other businesses on the opposite side, Because it’s a Saturday I see a few people walking around in front of the laundry mat. As I look further down Jamaica I see the Q56 bus coming to a stop in front of the deli letting people on and off. As I begin my walk toward the left heading to lefferts boulevard to catch the bus I pass the notorious club maracas. The brown paint and the black awning with the club logo on it stand bold for all the people passing by to see.

Although my neighborhood consists of many other streets and avenues, some more populated, this area will always be my neighborhood. I always felt it provided everything I need from entertainment to a place of just hanging out and relaxing. But my neighborhood also provided the many basic necessities such as food, places to wash my cloths, and many different forms of transportation such as the train and the bus. My neighborhood also provided my memories and since I am going to be living there for the next few years I am sure it will continue giving me experiences along with memories I can someday share with others.         

Veils

I never really new the reason Muslim women wore veils but I often wondered how they were able to stand the heat in the summer time. I new it had to do something with religion. From living in the western world I see men and women being defined by what they wear on a daily bases. For example if a man wears a suit or tie we think he comes from money or his job must be supper important. It also has a negative side where we look at women scantly dressed as being promiscuous or trashy. Of course each idea has its exceptions. I did agree with the authors of Muslim Women's League that women should not be judged by what they wear. I personally believe that we all should be free to wear whatever we feel as long as it does not bring harm to another human being. At the end of the day we all look and we all judge. Judging is something that we can't help and its instilled in us. We should wear what we think makes us feel good. Its amazing to me how a veil can cause such discrepancy in one region of the world. To me a woman's hair is part of her beauty and it should be shared with the world. Before I knew anything about veils and the reason for wearing them I had a theory that some man just didn't want other men to look at their wives, hence the veils and others followed. In all retrospects I think my theory still stands but to a certain extent.  

Words

Words have tons of meanings. To a person like me who doesn't get offended at the drop of a hat, words at times can just be words. I know to some words mean a lot . Depending on the word and how it is used may cause serious damage, and at times lead to a physical reaction. I've been in many scenarios where jokes are being made but at the end of the day a argument breaks out or someone isn't speaking to another. I sometime think we all need to lesson but at the same time assess what is be said to us and take in what we chose. I know advice such as this can have its negative feed back like that one person who thinks nothing he or she does is wrong or that person who thinks everything he or she is doing is wrong.
Then there is words that are used in a positive way. Words that lifts or spirit, words to motivate, and words that teaches us. These words are not hard to find, there all around us, I believe we just need to open our eyes and realize its right in front of us. Men like Martin Luther King and John F. Kenny used words to lead and to make changes for the betterment of man and I believe we have to power to do the same. We many not have to desire to do it on such as scale as these forefathers but we may be able to influence our kids, neighbors, family, friends, etc. in a positive way.

Death

Have you heard the saying that we all must go sometime? I agree with it but what if it wasn't your time yet? I agree that we are all placed on this earth for a reason. The reason may not be as big as finding the cure for AIDS or solving the problem of world hunger but it may be small. Small like helping an elderly person cross the street or giving advice to a person in times of need because you may have gone through the same experience they are going through right now. Everyday you hear on the news of young teens dieing because of gang violance or guy gets ran over by drunken driver. What if these individuals never forfilled their purpose?

On the other hand death is a natural thing and we all must die someday. Its apart of life and we all experience it in our own way. We may know someone that died and an human being we have to learn how to deal with it. At times like these many questions and thoughts usually pop into my head like when will I die or what will happen if someone closer passes away? All these thoughts and questions I consider experience preparing us for that day. I was never afraid of dieing but at times I am afraid of where I might end of after I die. I did mention to my friends that after I die not to be sad and cry but to through a party and be happy. Celebrate my life and the things I did rather then being sad over me being gone.

Yummy Yummy in My Tummy

It was the same man that usually delivers. He had the distinctive accent we make fun of but he was a good guy. I see him around the neighborhood peddling around. Ringing doorbells trying to make that extra dollar. I took the bag and ran to my room. Starvation wasn't anywhere near but my lips watered in anticipation. I placed the bag on the bed and I ran to the kitchen to grab a spoon. My lap top was already on the movie I was going to be watching while enjoying this work of art.

I grabbed the bag and I pulled the container out. I could feel the heat from the bottom of the container already radiating onto my cold fingers. I threw my self on the bed with three pillows for support. With the spoon in my mouth and the container in one hand I used my other hand to open the lid. As the lid popped open the steam from inside immediately rose up. Along with the steam came the smell of BBQ. As I placed the lid down the condensation flowed to one side but that wasn't my focus.

The red strips of meat with black spots indicating that it was well done, just the way I like it. The meat wasn't too watered down with the BBQ sauce nor was it too dry that it was rubbery. Each piece cut in strips of one to two inches lay in one direction so my spoon can pick it up with out a problem. It would be ideal to eat with a fork but I was never a fork kind of person so I stuck with the spoon. I saw my first target and i went for it. It was too late and it had no say in the matter so I picked it up with the spoon and into my mouth it went. It felt like heaven and at the moment no one could have said a thing to me because I was in a land of indulgence. It wasn't meaty  nor was it too hot like it sometimes is that I couldn't savor the flavor.

I kept eating and eating until I couldn't eat no more. At the end of the meal I felt like I couldn't move but it sure was worth it and I am sure I will do it again. Can you imagine living an experience when ever you want with a phone call.

xxx...Porn...xxx

Porno, the thing we watch in the privacy of our homes, the thing we make fun of with our friends, the thing we hope to get a few pointers from. The porn industry is a billion dollar industry and if someone was to tell me they never saw or glimpsed at a x-rated image or video I think I would laugh in their face. Whether in the movies, magazines, or any form of writing we've all came across some form of adult entertainment. Years ago pornographic materials were considered anything explicit such as a nude image to someone wearing a swim suit.

You may think I'm a perv but I can honestly and truthfully say that I've watched my share of porn. I remember when I was younger watching it and being so intrigued and wondering if people actually do stuff like that. Over the years I've come to realized that its kinda boring because its the same things done over and over again. Or maybe I haven't seen the right one.

To those who blame porn on prostitution, rape, and other sexual acts of violence I think your wrong. I personally believe if an individual has an urge he or she will do whatever it takes, sometimes unknowingly to satisfy that urge. Yes, porn may increase that urge but God created us with the ability to make choices. Some just make bad choices that is unfortunate because it may affect others.

Experiences

Everyday is an experience, some more memorable than others. I personally believe we remember the negative more than the positive because it affects us more. Experiences are meant to be learned from and to share with others so that in the future they don't make the same mistakes as yourself. I never had someone tell me I wasn't good enough or someone telling me I couldn't do something. I never had any major acts of violence against me so you can say I haven't had many of the same experiences of my peers or people in the past. But like many others I've experienced lost, sickness, unhealthy indulgences among other negative things we as humans grow from.

I can honestly say I grew up shielded from things some of my peers went through such as gang violence, poverty, and abandonment. I know as individuals they may be stronger than myself. In a strange and twisted world I am happy they went through what they did because it made them into what they are today which is good folks getting by in life.

College

As a young adult going to school is all I know. I've always gone to school and at times feel like I will be in school for the rest of my life. Although I work a minimum wage job now while attending school I feel like this is my life. From the age of sixteen I've always had a part time or full time job and attended school full time. I know the real reasons I should stay in school and benefits it will have after I finish but at times wish there was a lope hole.

I know after I finish college it will be easier to get a higher paying job rather than work for minimum wage job where there is about 50 million bosses before I get to the top. Then there is always that barricaded blocking me from the top because I don't have a college degree and they rather hire someone from outside because they feel that there expertise will benefit the company better than a person who has been there for tens of years. Don't get me wrong I do see where they may be going with this whole bringing in new ideas thing but I don' think its fair to the people inside the company.

I remember in health class the teacher saying that to maintain a healthy life style we must always keep learning something. I guess this could be my way of keeping my mind active and always learning something. But what will happen after I graduate college and I find a job but all the skills I've been taught in my four years are useless? What if college is a wast?

Fustration

Being back to school for the first semester in a long time I felt like I had to get back in the swing of things. I guess I've been away from school too long. Back to homework, tests, lectures, and oh did I mention tests. For some odd reason no matter how hard I study for a test I never feel prepared enough. Sometimes I'll score a really good grade and sometimes I'll just bomb the whole thing. Oh did I mention that the results might be the same weather I studied or not.

As of last week I had three tests and one paper which consumes the same amount of time and preparation for a test. For some reason I think all the Queensborough teachers sit around and decide when to give a test and they all give a test on the same exact week. I think to say "welcome to the real world you bunch of slackers who should be in a four year school but your lazy asses are here so we're going to punish you". Well I don't think their actually saying that but let me just amuse myself.

It wasn't all their faults because I should have prepared a few weeks a head of time rather leaving all the studying for last minute. I studied and studied and after it was all said and done I was so pumped that I was ready to continue. But the semester is almost coming to the middle and I feel like we just started. I hope I'm more ready nest time and I'll try to prepare ahead of time.

OK enough bitching about my life now more writing about things of more significance.  

I Believe

I believe in God.
I believe i will someday be successful.
I believe that whatever you do now will show later.
I believe all men have some good in them.
I believe the skis the limit.
I believe trust most be gained.
I believe beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
I believe hard work will lead to self satisfaction.
I believe in love.
I believe with age comes knowledge.
I believe we never stop learning.
I believe men can change based on his experience.
I believe in being fair.
I believe in life outside this galaxy.
I believe in cycles.
I believe love is a word we use to loosely.
I believe character can be built.
I believe religion was created by men and shows that men has the power to seperate.
I believe in a sixth sense.
I believe God is always watching.
I believe wealth is measurable by an individual.
I believe money can change people.
I believe friends and family keep me grounded.
I believe the world is a small place.
I believe laughter is the way to a person's heart.
I believe men were created in the Garden of Eden.
I believe music is universal.
I believe the heart is like a child and doesn't know what it wants.
I believe we are all children in the eye of God.
I believe devastation bring people together.
I believe politics is corrupt.
I believe change begins with self.
I believe I will someday travel the world.
I believe in Karma.
I believe words can hurt more than physical abuse.
I believe the future is bright.
I believe life is too short.
I believe men are inquisitive. 
I believe our justice system isn't fair.

Fairy Tales

Do you remember when you were little and you wanted to be like Cinderella or wanted to be the prince that saved Cinderella from her evil step mother and sisters? Growing up fairy tales played an important part in my life and I'm sure they played a role in other kids life as well. Fairy tales whether read or watched in a movie opened my eyes to the world of good and evil. These stories such as Cinderella and Snow White, among many others showed that there were two sides. Of course in the movies the good always wins and you were compelled to be one of the good guys. You were lead down that road of being a hero and saving the damsel in distress.

But what if as a child Cinderella never left her step mothers house and her prince never found her? And what about Snow White? What if that oh so magical kiss which was supposed to wake her never woke her? Will kids perceptions on life still be the same? I personally believe we will have a lot more kids growing up before their time. Learning the hard lesson of life, things not always working our the way we want them to. I also believe we as a society might change as a whole.

I'm not sure how great an impact fairy tales played in other peoples lives but they played a major role for my psychological up-bringing. I remember after watching a movie it lifted my spirits and made me feel like doing something courageous. It gave me that warm fuzzy feeling inside that the world is once again a better place.

Anxiety

Does your heart pound a million miles a minute when you have to speak in front of a group of people? What about before going on a blind date? Do you anticipate the worst? Does your mind go blank before an exam? If you answer yes to any of these questions, then anxiety has played a role in your life. These are a few of the many symptoms we, as humans, may feel that demonstrate anxiety. I remember my freshmen year of college when I had to present to a group of investors for my business class. My hands got sweaty, mouth became dry and I felt like jumping out of my skin. After I finished and the feeling passed, the thought of relief and "that wasn't so bad" came over me. The only reason we as human begin to acquire any form of anxiety is due to fear. Anxiety is our body's self defense against fear and unless we overcome our fears, anxiety will forever play a role in our lives.

Lisa

I find my friends amazing and interesting all at the same time. That's why I've choosen to post a few entries based on a few of them. At times they drive me crazy and at times I just want to hold them and never let go. I hope they don't get mad based on these few simple words I share with you all to explain my feeling towards them. The first person I have to talk about will have to be Lisa. Sometimes she makes me want to jump off a building and sometimes we sit and talk for hours and yet I'm still not bored with her.

I guess I should begin with the first time I meet her. You would think a date as important as that I would remember but its me and I don't. What I do remember is thinking how pretty she was and still is. I also remember trying to make her laugh. I remember sitting across from her and with her cousin Justina next to her telling me I'm stupid. We were young back then, even before high school I think. We were having lunch at my church which she doesn't even go to. That same day I sang in the chior and I remember seeing her laugh at me. I don't know if she thought I looked funny or if she was just ammused at the thought of me being in the chior.

Over the years we've gone to parties to, hung out at each others houses, and she grew on me. These days I spend more of my time off at her house then I do at my house. I love her parents because they make me feel at home. I can never leave her house with an empty belly or without a few laughs. Her sisters kids I think are the cutest kids you'll ever see. When they were younger I got so accustomed to the little one throwing up all over me that when he didn't I kinda missed it.

One of the many reasons Lisa and I have remained friends over the years is I believe we have alot in common and were not afriad to voice our opinions. We've never really had a fight which I find weird  but I guess thats a good thing. We will disagree at times and then get loud with each other but then its just funny to us and we laugh it off.

At times I call her my wife, at times I call her that crazy person, and at times shes the person I vent to. I remember the time Justina, Lisa, and myself went to a wedding in New Jersey and we decided to walk around. We sat in a beautiful park on a sunny summer day and me made plans to get married. When she reach the age of 23 and I reach the age of 25 we will get married. if no one of significance come into our lifes by then we will get married. I don't know if our little game will hold up in a few years but as I get older and the time is getting near the reality of the situation doesn't scare me as much as I use to be.

Your all probably wondering if there is anything I dislike about lisa, well there is. The first is probably her lack of time management. If we are going out I try to get her to start getting dress about two to three hours before its time to leave. Oh yea the fact that she loves to bother, I don't know if I should hate it or love it. But I've learned to bother back which is great because nothing is better than us two messing with each other, then we get bored and mess with other people.

Lisa, I know your going to read this so don't get freaked out and don't think I'm some weirdo. But I do hope things will continue the way they are, I can honestly say you've helped me in my life journey and I am glad to have meet you in this life time. Maybe in the next life when we meet you'll be more crazy and more amazing.

"When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak." Audre Lorde

Some tell me I talk too much, some say I have too much opinions. I personally believe we are in a time period where we shouldn't worry about what we say for persecution sake. We should express our opinion like many before us did. There is always a time and place for voicing ones opinion and manner in which we should voice our opinions. Using force or brain washing is just a few ways we shouldn't demonstrate. What would happen if Martin Luther King or Mahatma Gandhi never voiced their opinion and was too afraid?

Today we as a society is too afraid to voice our beliefs because we are afraid of what our family, friends, and sometimes even complete strangers may say. Many times we feel our idea or thoughts may be rejected. I’m no doctor or anything but from what I’ve learned from friends and family to experiences accumulated over the years I was able to come to this conclusion.

Audre Lorde says we shouldn't be afraid that it is "better to speak". I agree with Lorde a 110% but how does one gather up the courage to come to this point. I believe its a self realization factor that plays a major role of not caring what the out come will be. I also believe the older we get the less afraid we become. I wish with advancement into the future that socity will change and advance as well.

Richmond Hill

Richmond Hill Queens, home of no one famous or anyone you know. Richmond Hill Queens, my home. Regardless of the places I've visited or lived Richmond Hill Queens will always be my home. It consists of a vast area but growing up it meant a five to six block radius of my house. From Queens Library on Lefferts blvd to P.S.54 on one twenty seven street. But mostly my neighborhood consisted of my block, the street I grew up on and spent a majority of my childhood. Although I don't spend as much time as I did before, this place will always hold a special place in my heart. 

Growing up I knew everyone that lived on the block, even the old people that lived a few houses down and never left their houses. I remember playing hid and seek in their back yard once with Tommy, Alexie, and Hector and getting caught. They said they were going to call the cops but we promised to never do it again. Deep down I know they weren't kidding and over the years we didn't test them. 

At one point everyone use to be outside when the weather was nice outside. Today things have changed. Many of the guys who I played man hunt with moved away. The guys that pretended to be WWF superstars began families of their own. No one opens the fire hydrant anymore because the city got smart and placed a lock on each hydrant. It even got the point now that I don't even know who's living a few houses down.

 Back in the day parents would leave their kids outside to play and not have a worry about someone coming and taking them or the kids doing something they weren't suppose to do. I now notice the few kids that do play outside is always supervised by an adult. I do understand the importance of adult supervison but it goes to show times and how it has changed. Sometimes I wish we could go back to the way things were.  

Wrestling Made Me Cry

Its summer time and the sun’s rays feel like standing in an oven. I woke up until around one which is a summer time norm and didn’t leave the house until around four. Before leaving the house I looked out the door to see if anyone is outside but with no luck I stuck my head back in the door. I can feel sweat dripping down the back of my neck, I guess it’s back to watching more TV. Its four o’clock thunder cats are going to show, something to keep me occupied for the next half hour. After the show I stuck my head out the front down again, I see Michael and Adrian in front of their house. The cool thing with their house is it has a shed in front so we were shielded from the sun. I walked over and I can see Hector walking in the same direction as me. I opened Michael and Adrian’s gate and walked in with Hector behind me. The old mattress leaning against the wall and a metal chair by the front fence, its five now and I wondered where the rest of the guys were. We sat and talked about going back to school. It’s funny because in the summer we sat and talked about school and couldn’t wait to go back to school and when school started we sat and talked about the up and coming summer and couldn’t wait for it to come, never satisfied. The sun started going down which meant we would be starting soon. A few other guys joined us, Julio, Erin, Tinko. We were never organized enough to know what was going to happen but once someone pushed someone or if one of the young ones like myself argued back all hell broke loose. The mattress was thrown to the ground and I am maneuvered into a head lock. I look over and I see Michael imitating “The Rock” and laying a smack down on Hector. The older one’s never fought each other but always fought one of the younger ones because we were lighter and much more flexible. Julio runs up the side stairs and jumped on to the shed like a monkey man. Next thing I know he’s flying down on top of Hector where him and Michael is double teaming poor Hector, poor kid is taking it like a champ. I felt someone twisting my leg behind me and looked around to see Erin trying to break my leg off. I screamed for dear life but no one helped. The tears were coming and boy did they come. The bastard finally let go and everyone continued like it never happened. It wasn’t the first time I cried and I know it wouldn’t be the last time either. We continue like this for the next hour or so until everyone is dripping in sweat and can’t breathe anymore. Then Michael picked up the mattress and placed it back on the walk for the next day while we all filed out the gate and walked down the block to the store to buy cheap sugar juices and twenty five cent chips.