Fairy Tales

Do you remember when you were little and you wanted to be like Cinderella or wanted to be the prince that saved Cinderella from her evil step mother and sisters? Growing up fairy tales played an important part in my life and I'm sure they played a role in other kids life as well. Fairy tales whether read or watched in a movie opened my eyes to the world of good and evil. These stories such as Cinderella and Snow White, among many others showed that there were two sides. Of course in the movies the good always wins and you were compelled to be one of the good guys. You were lead down that road of being a hero and saving the damsel in distress.

But what if as a child Cinderella never left her step mothers house and her prince never found her? And what about Snow White? What if that oh so magical kiss which was supposed to wake her never woke her? Will kids perceptions on life still be the same? I personally believe we will have a lot more kids growing up before their time. Learning the hard lesson of life, things not always working our the way we want them to. I also believe we as a society might change as a whole.

I'm not sure how great an impact fairy tales played in other peoples lives but they played a major role for my psychological up-bringing. I remember after watching a movie it lifted my spirits and made me feel like doing something courageous. It gave me that warm fuzzy feeling inside that the world is once again a better place.

Anxiety

Does your heart pound a million miles a minute when you have to speak in front of a group of people? What about before going on a blind date? Do you anticipate the worst? Does your mind go blank before an exam? If you answer yes to any of these questions, then anxiety has played a role in your life. These are a few of the many symptoms we, as humans, may feel that demonstrate anxiety. I remember my freshmen year of college when I had to present to a group of investors for my business class. My hands got sweaty, mouth became dry and I felt like jumping out of my skin. After I finished and the feeling passed, the thought of relief and "that wasn't so bad" came over me. The only reason we as human begin to acquire any form of anxiety is due to fear. Anxiety is our body's self defense against fear and unless we overcome our fears, anxiety will forever play a role in our lives.

Lisa

I find my friends amazing and interesting all at the same time. That's why I've choosen to post a few entries based on a few of them. At times they drive me crazy and at times I just want to hold them and never let go. I hope they don't get mad based on these few simple words I share with you all to explain my feeling towards them. The first person I have to talk about will have to be Lisa. Sometimes she makes me want to jump off a building and sometimes we sit and talk for hours and yet I'm still not bored with her.

I guess I should begin with the first time I meet her. You would think a date as important as that I would remember but its me and I don't. What I do remember is thinking how pretty she was and still is. I also remember trying to make her laugh. I remember sitting across from her and with her cousin Justina next to her telling me I'm stupid. We were young back then, even before high school I think. We were having lunch at my church which she doesn't even go to. That same day I sang in the chior and I remember seeing her laugh at me. I don't know if she thought I looked funny or if she was just ammused at the thought of me being in the chior.

Over the years we've gone to parties to, hung out at each others houses, and she grew on me. These days I spend more of my time off at her house then I do at my house. I love her parents because they make me feel at home. I can never leave her house with an empty belly or without a few laughs. Her sisters kids I think are the cutest kids you'll ever see. When they were younger I got so accustomed to the little one throwing up all over me that when he didn't I kinda missed it.

One of the many reasons Lisa and I have remained friends over the years is I believe we have alot in common and were not afriad to voice our opinions. We've never really had a fight which I find weird  but I guess thats a good thing. We will disagree at times and then get loud with each other but then its just funny to us and we laugh it off.

At times I call her my wife, at times I call her that crazy person, and at times shes the person I vent to. I remember the time Justina, Lisa, and myself went to a wedding in New Jersey and we decided to walk around. We sat in a beautiful park on a sunny summer day and me made plans to get married. When she reach the age of 23 and I reach the age of 25 we will get married. if no one of significance come into our lifes by then we will get married. I don't know if our little game will hold up in a few years but as I get older and the time is getting near the reality of the situation doesn't scare me as much as I use to be.

Your all probably wondering if there is anything I dislike about lisa, well there is. The first is probably her lack of time management. If we are going out I try to get her to start getting dress about two to three hours before its time to leave. Oh yea the fact that she loves to bother, I don't know if I should hate it or love it. But I've learned to bother back which is great because nothing is better than us two messing with each other, then we get bored and mess with other people.

Lisa, I know your going to read this so don't get freaked out and don't think I'm some weirdo. But I do hope things will continue the way they are, I can honestly say you've helped me in my life journey and I am glad to have meet you in this life time. Maybe in the next life when we meet you'll be more crazy and more amazing.

"When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak." Audre Lorde

Some tell me I talk too much, some say I have too much opinions. I personally believe we are in a time period where we shouldn't worry about what we say for persecution sake. We should express our opinion like many before us did. There is always a time and place for voicing ones opinion and manner in which we should voice our opinions. Using force or brain washing is just a few ways we shouldn't demonstrate. What would happen if Martin Luther King or Mahatma Gandhi never voiced their opinion and was too afraid?

Today we as a society is too afraid to voice our beliefs because we are afraid of what our family, friends, and sometimes even complete strangers may say. Many times we feel our idea or thoughts may be rejected. I’m no doctor or anything but from what I’ve learned from friends and family to experiences accumulated over the years I was able to come to this conclusion.

Audre Lorde says we shouldn't be afraid that it is "better to speak". I agree with Lorde a 110% but how does one gather up the courage to come to this point. I believe its a self realization factor that plays a major role of not caring what the out come will be. I also believe the older we get the less afraid we become. I wish with advancement into the future that socity will change and advance as well.

Richmond Hill

Richmond Hill Queens, home of no one famous or anyone you know. Richmond Hill Queens, my home. Regardless of the places I've visited or lived Richmond Hill Queens will always be my home. It consists of a vast area but growing up it meant a five to six block radius of my house. From Queens Library on Lefferts blvd to P.S.54 on one twenty seven street. But mostly my neighborhood consisted of my block, the street I grew up on and spent a majority of my childhood. Although I don't spend as much time as I did before, this place will always hold a special place in my heart. 

Growing up I knew everyone that lived on the block, even the old people that lived a few houses down and never left their houses. I remember playing hid and seek in their back yard once with Tommy, Alexie, and Hector and getting caught. They said they were going to call the cops but we promised to never do it again. Deep down I know they weren't kidding and over the years we didn't test them. 

At one point everyone use to be outside when the weather was nice outside. Today things have changed. Many of the guys who I played man hunt with moved away. The guys that pretended to be WWF superstars began families of their own. No one opens the fire hydrant anymore because the city got smart and placed a lock on each hydrant. It even got the point now that I don't even know who's living a few houses down.

 Back in the day parents would leave their kids outside to play and not have a worry about someone coming and taking them or the kids doing something they weren't suppose to do. I now notice the few kids that do play outside is always supervised by an adult. I do understand the importance of adult supervison but it goes to show times and how it has changed. Sometimes I wish we could go back to the way things were.  

Wrestling Made Me Cry

Its summer time and the sun’s rays feel like standing in an oven. I woke up until around one which is a summer time norm and didn’t leave the house until around four. Before leaving the house I looked out the door to see if anyone is outside but with no luck I stuck my head back in the door. I can feel sweat dripping down the back of my neck, I guess it’s back to watching more TV. Its four o’clock thunder cats are going to show, something to keep me occupied for the next half hour. After the show I stuck my head out the front down again, I see Michael and Adrian in front of their house. The cool thing with their house is it has a shed in front so we were shielded from the sun. I walked over and I can see Hector walking in the same direction as me. I opened Michael and Adrian’s gate and walked in with Hector behind me. The old mattress leaning against the wall and a metal chair by the front fence, its five now and I wondered where the rest of the guys were. We sat and talked about going back to school. It’s funny because in the summer we sat and talked about school and couldn’t wait to go back to school and when school started we sat and talked about the up and coming summer and couldn’t wait for it to come, never satisfied. The sun started going down which meant we would be starting soon. A few other guys joined us, Julio, Erin, Tinko. We were never organized enough to know what was going to happen but once someone pushed someone or if one of the young ones like myself argued back all hell broke loose. The mattress was thrown to the ground and I am maneuvered into a head lock. I look over and I see Michael imitating “The Rock” and laying a smack down on Hector. The older one’s never fought each other but always fought one of the younger ones because we were lighter and much more flexible. Julio runs up the side stairs and jumped on to the shed like a monkey man. Next thing I know he’s flying down on top of Hector where him and Michael is double teaming poor Hector, poor kid is taking it like a champ. I felt someone twisting my leg behind me and looked around to see Erin trying to break my leg off. I screamed for dear life but no one helped. The tears were coming and boy did they come. The bastard finally let go and everyone continued like it never happened. It wasn’t the first time I cried and I know it wouldn’t be the last time either. We continue like this for the next hour or so until everyone is dripping in sweat and can’t breathe anymore. Then Michael picked up the mattress and placed it back on the walk for the next day while we all filed out the gate and walked down the block to the store to buy cheap sugar juices and twenty five cent chips.

Habits

In my life I can say I've meet alot of people and I know I have tons more to meet. But its not after you get to know someone that you notice their habits. Some habits good and some bad but at the end of the day these habits can be annoying. I know I have a few bad habits some more bad than others. If you know me you may or may not have noticed but I have to lick my fingures after I eat, which I consider rude espesially if in the company of others. Then there are those habits like smoking that you just can't get rid of. And what about the habit of texting while someone is talking to you. Everyone have there own habits that get on there nerves, what gets on your nerves?

I remember

I remember playing in the fire hydrant. And although we new the fire depart will come any minute we new we would probably open it right after they were gone.
I remember playing wresting.
I remember crying because I played wresting.
I remember the nights when everyone sat in-front of there houses cause the heat was unbearable.
I remember thinking nothing will ever be better than hanging out on the block. Boy was I wrong.
I remember my first day of high school. Me, the only Indian kid standing in the corner waiting for the day to come to an end.
I remember taking the train for two hours.
I remember the Dominican kids from the Heights fascinated that I was coming from queens.
I remember drinking at cross bay.
I remember crashing sweet sixteens.
I remember sleepovers, even when I was too big for a sleep over.
I remember smoking.
I remember trying to stop smoking.
I remember going to church.
I remember getting in trouble in church for making jokes or talking.
I remember the Glory Singerz.
I remember being a Glory Singer.
I remember freshmen year of college.
I remember being homesick.
I remember going to the club.
I remember drinking too much at the club and praying to god that I will never drink again if he only get me through the night.